Mama and her #1 boy, Peyton. 

Test of Faith

Brad's faith was definitely tested yesterday and it was very easy for him to turn down an opportunity. He had sent a few resumes out to law firms here in Jax, hoping to maybe get on this fall as a clerk and maybe have it turn into a full time position once he finishes school. He got a call yesterday from a General Practice firm. The lawyer told Brad he's exactly what they were looking for in someone to hire and he'd like Brad to come in for an interview. He politely mentioned to Brad, however, that there may be a conflict of interest. He had noticed that Brad's involved with quite a few Christian groups through his school and mentioned that his law firm deals mainly with gay and lesbian rights, and would this be a problem for Brad? I know how badly he wants to get a job and would like to stay in Jacksonville and I know it must have been hard to turn down a job offer like that, but he is such a strong Christian that working toward gay and lesbian rights would go against every fiber of his being.

I am glad he was so able to stick to his faith and turn it down. This is just another glimpse into what a wonderful Christian leader he will be for our family and I am so glad that our child will be able to look at its father and know he is a man of strong beliefs who doesn't go against his Father. So now we just need to continue to pray that the Lord leads us in the right direction and brings us to a job where we belong right now.

Love

It's very strange to me how love works. No, not strange but maybe mystifying. I can't remember "falling in love" with Brad- I just remember feeling that my life was forever changed. It was almost as if it happened instantaneously. And that is kind of the way that I feel now.

I've not yet felt my baby move inside me and I can't see any outward signs that I am pregnant but the love that is already inside my heart for this tiny creature is so immense that my heart could burst at any moment, unable to contain it within its chambers. The thought of it brings tears to my eyes because it is so real and so scary and just so incredible at the same time. It's baffling. It's like that feeling on a roller coaster when you take that sudden plunge and all your insides jump into your throat- only this is a constant feeling. This is... incredible.

I have no idea if it's a boy or a girl. Will s/he have my blue eyes or look back at me from pools of green like his/her father and grandmother? Will s/he be blonde, like Brad and I both were as children, or come out with a cap of dark hair? There's no end to the stream of questions surrounding this sweet baby whom I still have to wait 7 months to meet, yet I already feel as if I would lay my life on the line to protect it. Isn't that just amazing?

I almost feel guitly. I feel as if I am keeping something from the husband with whom I share everything. I know he loves our child, I knew that instantly from the moment I told him we were pregnant. But he'll never feel this, what I am feeling right now and am so blessed to still have 7 months to grow and discover and feel and I can't share it with the man I chose to share my life with.

Love is incredible and I am so very humbled by it. It just reminds me, for the umpteenth time just today: God is.... indescribable.

Baby Names

Here's the list of names we like:

BOYS:
Landon Dale*
Cameron Joseph

GIRLS:
Cailin Jean
Savannah Belle

*If it is a boy it will definitely be Landon Dale. No wavering on that at all! Dale is Brad's middle name, as well as his dad, uncle and cousin, so we'll keep with tradition and pass it on to our first born son, too. The second boy name is a name Brad always liked, with Joseph as a middle name (my grandfather's name was Joseph and my dad asked me to carry it on)

The girl names are giving us trouble. All along we had said Cailin, but now that we are pregnant Brad's been going back and forth between Cailin and Savannah. What was once a clear cut decision is now a neck and neck race! We think that, if it is a girl, it will be a "game time" decision- we probably won't know until we see her sweet face!

[Happy 1st Anniversary to Jamie and Shelby- may you be blessed with many more happy years together in God's grace.]

To find out or wait?

Right now Brad and I are going back and forth, trying to decide if we want to find out the baby's sex. Now, we know that this cannot be determined for another 11 weeks but we want to get this discussion out of the way.

We had always said that for the first baby we wanted it to be a surprise, 100%. But now that it is real, that we are actually pregnant, it is amazing to see how curious we have already become! Brad has been the one who has been holding out the most- he's still been saying he wanted to wait. That is, until we went to Babies 'R Us the other night and were looking at all the sweet little clothes and later that night Brad decided he was 98% sure he wanted to find out! He was the one who had been keeping me on our original path but with him wavering.... I think we're almost definitely going to have to find out!

I am just so nervous.... it doesn't matter to me either way what we have. I'd love a boy or a girl equally, that's not the problem at all. I am just worried that once we find out, I'll think, "Gosh I wish we had waited, that would have been such a neat surprise!" So I am truly stuck as of what to do!!

Our First Appointment

Well, we went to our first doctor's appointment today and it went really well. Up until today I had still been not quite sure I was actually pregnant- never mind the 4 positive at home tests. There was just a fear that I was just really late this month with some false positives. But it's official- we are definitely pregnant!! We also got to have our first ultrasound which was really exciting. It was so neat to see the baby, even though it is so tiny! I am officially 5 weeks 6 days pregnant and at 6 weeks you can see the heartbeat so we got to see a little bit of a flutter in there, too. We have an appointment in 5 weeks to actually hear the heartbeat which should be really exciting. But we posted a photo of the ultrasound so you all can see the little bitty baby that I am growing!

Love to you all!

The first picture of Baby Martin taken 7/11/05! 

Brad and I went to Charleston, SC for 4th of July weekend to visit our friends Rory and Kim. We had such a good time! It was so much fun to be able to spend good quality time with good friends. And boy were they surprised when we shared our news! Charleston was beautiful and we got a few nice pictures- of course they are all on my "real" camera and not the digital so it will be a while before I can scan them on here. All in all, though it was a great weekend that went too fast, as good times usually do. We look forward to visiting them in their new home in Newport News, VA soon, though!

Happy Birthday America!

The first outfit we purchased for the baby- too cute to pass up!!